Just not as happy

Hi ya'all doing?

Well, too much has happened. It's October and almost 1 month after I last posted. Well, I am still looking for a job. It just so disheartening. There just have been too many interviews and no job offers. I'm stressed because of it. Truthfully, I'm already feeling that I wasted my parents' money because I can't find a job.

And of course, I have not been bumming around! If you follow my deviant, I have a few updates. First is my version of the mad hatter. Maybe you won't understand it, he actually has a background story that I am not yet ready to share (surprise!). He is one of my favorite characters I have ever come up yet.

Next is a drawing I made after I watched Legend of the Guardians: the Owls of Ga'Hoole. Do you think its nice?

Then a drawing inspired from a commercial I was watching: a ballerina.

Lastly, a little something personal. A chibi me. Just a little something out of the ordinary.

Well, something is keeping me busy, when it is complete, I will tell you more about it.

Oh and I reopened my carbonmade. These are just some of the things I did. Another portfolio. You can't have too much portfolio can you? haha. (link)

I am feeling down recently with me not having a job. I hope brighter days will come my way. I hope you have better luck than me. and If you happen to read this blog and you also happened to like my work, feel free to contact me and lift me out of this misery. haha.

Great Sunday Mornings

How you all been doing? It has almost been two months since I last blogged. Hopefully I will be graduating this October (when I get one of my subjects to be credited). I hope to march and get my diploma and work as soon as possible. I have actually been looking for a job these past few weeks. Three of them replied but only two scheduled for an interview. Sadly, there is also another one that called me one night and it was a pyramiding scam. I won't lose hope! I really believe that when something happens in your life, its really meant for you. If they don't call, well, I will try not to lose hope!

Also, I bought my own tablet! YEY! I'm really really really happy with it. I have been practicing and also to add it with my portfolio. You can always visit my deviantart site on links listed on the side. You can also click the direct links here.

So the first one (link) is my first art with my tablet. the line art was done months ago that I can't even remember. I reserved it when one day I am able to own a tablet which I did :). The second is a fan art for Ragnarok (yes the Korean game) here is the link. That is my knight which I am playing. Next is another fan art (link). I figured that I need to work on my coloring. When I started drawing I used to do lots of fan art until I was satisfied with it and then made my own drawing style. If I was going to improve on coloring my art, I guess I have to turn back to doing fan arts right? Well, I actually don't know but it's worth a try. Here is my latest (link). I tried experimenting a little with color and lines. The main problem I have is doing the shading and lighting to give it a more 3D image. I want to continue to learn so that I can improve. If you have suggestions or comments I'll be happy to know about them Just leave a message :)

As promised, I said that I also am going to learn 3D. I did. I took up 3DMODEL. These are just the few things I did for that subject (link). I am leaving you with my final project for that subject. Hope it makes you smile :) It's just a great Sunday morning today

Nostalgia

I'll be graduating soon when everything falls into place. I am really hoping that everything is falling into place.

When you graduate, you work. For those who do not work as soon as they graduate, they either take their time before they do or they study again. Well, in my case I have to work. I want to study, a masters degree perhaps? But maybe I'll do it some other time.

When you work, you think about what kind of work you want to do. I took a course that focuses more on educating other people through multimedia. To tell you the truth, I am more concerned about the multimedia than educating other people. I am not much of a fan of education, not that I have something against it. I just don't enjoy it. And because I took a course related to education, I am considering a career in education where I will not enjoy or something in the field of arts but very hard to get through but, undoubtedly, I will enjoy. I do not want to sound whinny... I am just thinking that having a career in education will make me feel safe... And well, perusing what I love (graphic arts) is a risk that I m not sure I am willing to take considering my other circumstances.

Half of me wants to stay at school, being at my comfort zone and half of me wants everything to get this done and over with.

I remembered when I was 12 or so, I sometimes stop and ponder on little things like the future. That when I close my eyes now then I open them again I'll be 20. Almost ten years has passed most of the things changed, you'll never believe it when I say I still do the same thing but instead of opening my eyes then I'll be 20, when I open my eyes I'll be 30. I'll come back to this blog and laugh all about it. Next thing I'll know I'll be 40.

Well, just to make this blog a little lighter, why don't you check out what I have been doing for the past few months. I did all of the in Blender. This is the 3d chess set and the 2nd version I made (link), this is the first one (link) and the chess pieces (link). Of course, feel free to check out my deviantart any time. the link is just at the right side of my blog :)

Life and Soap Operas

It's so nice to watch telenovelas (soap operas). They have interesting plots, famous actors, good show set, etc. I am not fond of watching Filipino soap operas but I likes some Japanese, Korean and American soap operas.

When you come to think of it, we ourselves stars in our own soap operas. We are the leading actor. Sometimes we change co-actors and sometimes they stick there all throughout your season. Think about Life as the director of your very own soap opera. It's just that everything is not scripted, you have your own free will and so with the people you are involved with.

What's so hard with living this kind of soap opera? Aside from you don't know the script, you can't fast forward it. At least with finished soap operas, you can always skip the middle and watch the end first. But with life, we deal with it every day. Every day is an episode that eventually turns into seasons, season finale, then end of season.

Sometimes, I just want to skip to the end. What will happen to me after 5 or 10 yrs? How will I die? What will my life be? Sometimes it's just too painful to live it day by day.

Lazy Noons

One afternoon I was getting sleepy and even before I got to sleep I thought about my childhood days. When I was around 5-10 I hated afternoon naps especially when I was sleeping-over at my cousin's house. Sleeping felt like wasting time when I can play more if I did not sleep. Not only that, drowsiness never really visited me in the afternoons. We would pretend for awhile that we were asleep then when our yayas(nursemaids) goes out of the room, we would play again. We did not even got scared even when our yayas told us we would never grow tall when we grow older. Who wanted to grow tall? Not Me. I was contented in being a kid and being small. My routine was like, get up, play, eat, sleep and that's the end of the day.

Now it feels like afternoon naps are a blessing. Being busy with assignments, thesis, work and other stuffs, naps are one of the things that I look forward the most. I just miss the times where I would spend my time with my cousins when summer time comes. Summers with them are one of the most memorable things I have and cherish. I miss them.

Summer is here and I can feel the heat.

Typhoon Ondoy

It's 1am and I can't seem to get some sleep. For some of the reasons:

1. I am worried about my dad who is stuck in a truck for roughly, I think, 12 hours of continuous driving in traffic with no food and little water. He is stuck somewhere between Liana's Sucat and Sm Sucat.
2. I am waiting for Jeric to reply!
3. I am worried for the people who are stranded else where.
4. Last I am somewhat pissed because I believe casualties could have been lessened if we were warned a bit earlier.

*rant starts here*

Are PAGASA's equipment so lousy that they couldn't even warn us that there was this big typhoon? Damages could have been lessened if they were able to warn us for the approaching typhoon. It is, after all, the goverment's duty and responsibility.

I don't get it, is it better to have billions of personal property damage than invest in billions of Philippine peso in PAGASA'a equipments or improvement or the drainage system or something that will ACTUALLY benefit us?

*rant ends here*

I really really believe that damages could have been lessened if we were forewarned.

I pray to those people who are still stranded it would be their second day on their rooftops without food and water. I pray to those people who have lost their belongings in the flood and even lost their lives.

2nd Commings

I'm beat. I'm tired. I'm burning up. This is just the second week and I think my body can't take my schedule. MW has 3 classes straight and TH has only one class. I am starting to have this weak body feeling. I think i'm catching a fever.

Anyway, recently I could not connect to the internet as much as I want. My modem was broken. I got it changed. I called PLDT last night and just this morning they were here just before I got to school. They replaced my modem with a new one without charge. I also asked for an additional LAN cable if it was also free of charge and it was. I got a free LAN cable and a new modem. Yey for me!

Also, gossip girl season three started last week! I was soooo excited. Thanks to Joc, I got updated with my weekly bad habit of watching gossip girl. OH YEAH! And I just finished watching this week's episode. I can't wait for the other one!

Awake at 3 in the Morning

I got up three in the morning and can't sleep. So here I am blogging since I have no better things to do than read manga.

I am never ever ever going to watch horror movies again. I can't believe I watched. Tsk tsk. I should have known better. I watched The Grudge 3 yesterday. I can't stop thinking of the creepy stuffs. Argh. Here I am reading manga.

I think I am hearing things. I think there are flying cockroached in the kitchen. I don't know. They give me the creeps. I don't want to take a peek and know where those fluttering sounds came from. I don't know if I'll sleep again. Maybe when the sun rises. I don't know. I still have to sleep before my brothers wake up to go to school.

It is good that it isn't raining anymore. For the past few days it has been raining non-stop. I love the cold air that the rain brings. I love being indoors and doing nothing while the rain is pouring outside. It is still better if it will not rain today or rain that hard since I have to go to a public school for our thesis and I don't want to walk in the rain.

It;s 5 in the morning and i'm finishing this blog entry. I am still reading manga and hope to read all the updates. I need to be really sleepy before going back to bed or else I won't sleep at all. I can already see it. I will have big eye bags tomorrow since I couldn't get a good night's rest.

Good morning everyone :P

Quaratine Vacation

We had a 10-day quarantine because of the A(H1N1) out break in DLSU. In that 10 days, here's what happened:

1. I HAD to clean my room
   Bead Bugs everywhere!!! My bed and pillow were infested by bed bugs. I have these sort-off allergies all over my body. Even now, I am scratching like hell. I have bruises all over my body because of these scratching. haha
   
2. I HAD to spray Baygon on my bed
   I sprayed Baygon on my bed and covered it with plastic so that those bed bugs would die. For three days I had to sleep in the TV room and had to wait for everyone to stop watching TV before I could sleep.
   
3. Watched Von Gogh
   Me and my best friend dated last Wednesday and watched Von Gogh with Gwen. We had fun painting our nails in TheFaceShop. It's free anyway! Then I got home around 10 in the evening.
   
   

Hair cut

I just had a new haircut in Bench Fix along Taft. I will never ever ever have a hair cut again in Bench Fix. Every time I have my hair cut there, my hair becomes a disaster. This time, I look like a coconut.

Anyway, the cutter who handled my hair a while ago attacked my hair like he was puncturing holes in it. Haha. I don't know how he cuts hair like that. I said I wanted it to look thin and it's not thin at all since he was attacking the ends of my hair. So I really think I look like a coconut. I wanted it layered.. He wasn't layering at all. He was... I don't know what he was doing to my hair. haha. I really really got disapointed with my hair. He was saying I had hair of someone in a Korean nobela. Like I care. Mom got really frustrated with my hair stylist. She hated my hair. I didn't like it eaither.

So far, the people who handled my hair there doesn't have imagination. I wish I could find a nice parlor that I can always come back to and have a great hair. Me and my mom agreed that we haven't found that nice parlor that is affordable. Have you?

I Love To Hate

There is a difference between I love to hate and I hate to love. For example, the people I simply hate to love are my brothers. No matter how obnoxious they become or how irritating they can be, they simply are the people I extremely HATE HATE HATE to love. If I had the chance to switch them for a more dreamy brothers, I wouldn't. Even if they become so obnoxious that I could not stand it, lay off my brothers. I hate to love them. Simply hate it.

Siblings will remain as siblings. Same old siblings. But there are some things/ some people you can't seen to stand. These are a few of my love to hate thingys:

1. Olympics of the Saliva throwing Mouth
   
   Criteria: Right texture, color and proper recoil
   
   This act is the one I deeply detest. EIW. Recall the disgusting noise people make when they accumulate the phlegm in their mouths. When it goes out of the mouth, it has the greenish or yellowish color and the sticky texture. Just the way the good phlegm is. GAWD. Can people avoid this? There are actually called comfort rooms/ bathrooms/ sink accessible. Hello?! There is also the existence of the tissue. Don't spread your disgusting disease. It's not hygienic and damn disgusting.PLEASE.
   
   
2. When You think you know all that, but actually you don't
   
   The classic. I hate it when some people talk nonsense and does not actually know what they are talking about. What a poser. Excuse me, but before you brag, do your research so you would not get caught you actually don't know what you are talking about. Same goes to people when they think they're all that but actually they have heads filled with gas. MY MY MY. Trying hard much?
   
   
3. Nonsense Shirts
   
   I have this big problem with shirts that have nonsense sentences. I totally hate these shirts because it is waste of time to read. Why oh why did they have to pint that text on that shirt if no one would understand it!
   
   
4. Hair all over your Face
   
   No offense, but I never liked this fashion statement where people's hair is all over their faces. What can you possibly see with all the hair on your faces? Do you feel like your an anime character? hahaha. Get real. Or do you think your cool because you could not see what is ahead of you but your hair? May be. Dumb dumb fashion statement.
   
   
5. PROPER clothes
   
   Why wear a short shorts where you could not pull it off? WHY?! Why wear something kinky wherein the whole day all you do is cover those body parts you, in the first place did not cover? WHY?! Why wear something you could not pull off? WHY?!
   
   I say: wear it, pull it off, make heads turn, get away with it.
   

No offense. I love to hate these things. My preferences. My opinions. Blame it on me.

This is an Original

Love my banner? Coz I do. The banner is made by me. It is a rock princess original. I'm inspired. hahaha. (dahil sa mga bagsak. hahaha. joke lng). Anyway, I also posted this in my multiply (click here). I can't seem to access my Deviantart account. There must be something wrong with it or with my connection. I don't know. so, I am posting my work here and all over my other accounts. hahaha.

OH! OH! I cut my hair. hahaha. I have bangs. Nice. Nice. Yep, I cut it on my own. It's nice.

Jeric is absolutely not thrilled with my new hair. hahaha. Oh well, I love it anyways. hahaha.

Dream Tonight of a Forever Tomorrow

I dream of talking to different significant people in my life. People I wished I talked to or people I hated to talk to. Different people to different places every time I dream. But the same thing happens to me. Every time I try to express what I have to say, I feel like I could not speak. I feel like I could not scream loud enough. I feel like they could not hear me, I could not hear myself either. I seems like my voice drowns in the middle of every thing that has been happening in my life. I wanted to takeover. I wanted to take control. I can't. They could not hear me. It felt like my voice was taken away from me and I have no power to restore it, even how hard I try to scream, there was no sound that goes out of my mouth.

I hated it. I hated every moment that they could not hear me. I hated every time I dream of it. I hated the fact that I can never tell them what I think of them or feel for them. I hated talking to them. I hated every thing about it. It felt like something is strangling me and that I could not breathe.

I always wished to runaway from my life, from every possible thing that can hurt me. But then again, kismet happens.

Small World

A while ago, we were shopping in out usual supermarket place. That would be S&R in Baclaran. We usually meet old acquaintances there. I was not expecting to meet Jake's father there. Actually, I was not expecting it to be Jake's dad. Little hi's and hello's then Jakes dad said to my mom his son is also studying in the same school as I am, same year and same course. TADA. Conclusion, it was really Jake's dad.

After shopping, my mom and I talked about it.She said she worked under him. He and my dad were old classmates in college. Best of all, he let us barrow the Benz that was used in my mom and dad's wedding.

Cool right? It really is a small world in the Chinese community. I read this article about Six Degrees of separation (click here to know more about it) in Wikipedia. Actually, I think I studied it last time in DASALGO, I can't remember exactly. As I was saying, the Six Degrees of separation is an idea that in every six people you encounter, you know someone that the other sixth person also knows. So we are all connected through the Six Degrees of separation. Well, something like that. It was not actually proven, 100% proven. Still, it is COOOOOL. It kinda explains how small our world is.

What about school? What about it? Hahaha. Just joking. It's hectic.